Start with the face of a child…
Perhaps the 5th grade boy from Brewton, Alabama who stole the show as the hero in Jabberwocky, or the tall shy girl at Dulles High School in Sugarland, Texas who’s frightened face nearly stopped me cold. Each opens stories of trial and error pulling performers of all sizes to be stars for a brief moment. The determined silence of a girl too cool for poetry until she discovers that a woman with skin as black as hers won the Pulitzer for writing a poem, who told these kids they couldn’t dream? We try to unteach this error in mere minutes before passing on to the next town. Still there are those whose dreams are bigger than I could imagine. Who bowl me over with a sudden outpouring of creative energy and love. I can only hope that no one breaks this spirit by telling them to "sit down and shut up" too often.

So what did I get out of this? A new perspective, a world of stories, and a clearer picture of who I am. I didn’t keep a diary, so this is the collection of scribbling and typings and other such "tour doodles" that tell the story of the journey.

 1/4/98
Ciro and I made it to Tulsa, OK today. We have our first show tomorrow at Eugene Field Day School, which according to our contact person "services three housing projects in the area," very multicultural and very poor. I’m looking forward to it. They should be a lively group. Ciro's a bit nervous, but our first run through this evening went pretty smooth and we're planning to run it again in a little while. I’m fretting more about the teacher workshop on Wednesday since they've apparently been reading and passing around the book that most of the material comes from. I need to dig up a new set of poems for them to use that they haven't seen scripted already. It shouldn't be a big deal, but I have to worry about something.

 1/8
This week went great! Eugene Field is an amazing little school that services some housing projects and not only teaches the kids academics but helps them solve race issues and build a multicultural community. We dashed back to Asheville through rainy Tennessee to exchange our car because the trunk was leaking and the brand new windshield wipers on Hertz's brand new Taurus weren't good for anything but making a bigger mess. We drove all night last night because we didn't want to hassle finding a place to stay in Memphis again, it being the King's birthday and all. So far, so good. Ciro and I seem to make a pretty good team. I even managed to sound intelligent for the teacher workshop that I was so worried about. The teacher's there especially loved us I think. They were discussing funding for bringing us (specifically Ciro and me) back next year.

 Tonight I think we're gonna be lazy before a full day of rehearsal tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even get some writing done!

 1/15
We’ve spent the week in Tennessee and even visited Graceland (okay, we didn't go in, but we did drive by and stop at the souvenir store to get a spoon for my grandma and a key chain for that Elvis fanatic Allison that is living in my apartment). The temperature has been pretty moderate here, but this weekend we plan to dip even further south to New Orleans before making our way to Houston for a show on Tuesday. (More time in Texas, surprise, surprise.) The only hitch is a show at Dallas Christian School later in the week. They want us to "clean up" poems like the Cremation of Sam McGee because in it they say "oh, God how I cursed that load" which is "taking the lord's name in vain." Looks like we'll cross paths with another team that's been bopping around Louisiana, so we're gonna try to meet up and have lunch or something.

You want to hear something interesting about Tennessee? Hmm. What to tell...oh, don't trust street maps to tell you what the names of roads are or where they go. We've spent a lot of time driving around to find streets that don't go where the maps say they do or have 3 names. They seem to really like Mexican food here, but whenever they say "really, really hot" you're lucky if you can taste the spices. Oh, and the accents are my-ah-ti the-ahk.

 1/17
We drove down the lovely Natchez Trace stopped in Tupelo for a fabulous home cooked meal (that only cost $6 total to stuff both of us) at a place called the Lunch Bunch and visited the birthplace of Elvis (another key chain and spoon, but this time we did go in the tiny two room home). We spent the weekend in New Orleans and spent too much money, but had a great time.

New Orleans wins the award for most annoying housekeeping staff. At 9:30am on a Saturday they started down the hall gossiping from one end of the floor to the other and banging on doors shouting "housekeeping!" Then, since my door was locked and I didn't answer and Ciro had a "do not disturb" sign out, they called at about 9:45am to ask if we wanted room service. I said "no" they said "well I’ll just bring you some towels then" and I said "no thanks I have plenty of towels." Then about 5 minutes later they're banging on my door again and this time I just yelled "What!?" back. "I have towels for you," she said. "I don't need towels," I said. "Well then could you sign this thing that says you requested no service today?" Fine whatever. So I signed for my room and Ciro’s room and an extra one in hopes they won't bug us tomorrow. But, sure enough, around 11am they are banging on Ciro’s door again. grrrr!!

 1/18
The food in New Orleans was fabulous! I had my first raw oysters ever and a lovely fried catfish po-boy. Ciro had oysters too and the gumbo pooba that was also very tasty. Under pressure from Duane (another PoetryAlive! person who met up with us on Saturday to see New Orleans) we went to the Cats Meow Karaoke and had 3 for 1 Hurricanes (fitting since there were three of us) and he sang "On the Wings of Love" and coerced me into signing up to sing "I Will Survive." Ciro just sang everything else from the safety of the crowd. We made our way out of there to a club with live blues and a bad ass guitarist, but we didn't stay there long because it became apparent that Ciro needed food and maybe coffee and Duane and I weren't too far behind. We made it safely back to the hotel at a modest midnight. This morning we went to Ciro's favorite cafe the Cafe Du Monde and had cafe au lait and yummy beignets.

 In general, we spent too much money and then beat it out of there to Houston today. This is a particularly swanky new Comfort Inn with bathroom telephones and microwaves and coffee tables and such. Most importantly...plenty of space to rehearse which we will be doing a lot of tomorrow since we have our first high school shows this week.

 1/27
Last week was spent in Texas hitting Houston, Austin, and Dallas. We were too busy and tired to do much in Austin, but we did hang out with Phil West at a lovely little bar called Casino El Camino and caught part of a poetry reading at Ruta Maya. Last weekend we opted to stay in Lafayette, LA where we caught up on sleep and managed to go see "Wag the Dog." If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it. Mamet's dialogue is fantastic and the plot is a riot.

 Next, we’re floating around in the bayou country (Morgan City, LA) stuffing ourselves silly with tasty Cajun dishes. Things seem to be going pretty smoothly for us. This week is tough though. We're definitely in the deep south. At the second school today the junior high kids came into the gym and chose where they wanted to sit. When they were settled the left side was 90% black and the right side was 90% white. One of our contact people mentioned that the Klan had been there recently and that probably had something to do with it. It was frightening to see that racism and segregation is still that prominent in this day and age. What year is this anyway? Oh yeah, 1997 when the lead news story is Clinton's sex life.

 1/31
We're currently in Gainesville, FL for the night on our way to the Orlando area. It's supposed to be sunny and 70 tomorrow. Weather in general has been pretty mild for us. We had snow on New Year's in Asheville, NC and it was cold the first week in Tulsa, OK, but the people made up for it in both places.

 2/2
Winter storm warning in Florida
where the strong winds still blow balmy
and palms wave flagrant fans.
This state is sinking back into the ocean it rose from
and all the soil is slippery sand that shifts beneath the feet.
There’s no heading for dry land or shelter.
Soon all of the state’s skinny self
will be showered and washed clean of yesterday’s toil.

Dodging RVs down the highway
trying to cross this state
in our circular roundabout backtracking way
much like Fleischman’s Whirligig Beetles.
My back hurts from too much car sitting,
waiting to get where we’re going.

 2/4
I’ve weathered my first Florida storm. I can't say I liked it too much. We were in Ft. Lauderdale Monday night when there was about four hours of thunder, lightning and hard rain accompanied by gusts of wind up to 100mph (averaging around 40-50mph) and 4 tornadoes touched down (fortunately not in our neighborhood). To top it off I had the worst headache of my life that was apparently exacerbated by the low pressure of the storm. Fortunately things have cleared up and we are now in Cape Coral on the Gulf Coast where it is still breezy, but sunny and warm. We head up to Clearwater tomorrow and then spend a whole week on Cocoa Beach. Hopefully the weather will stay nice for us.

 2/7
We didn't do much partying in Ft. Liquordale due to the nasty storm. As for the Florida blue hair, well yeah there's a lot of it. I did see one rather interesting blue hair though, a great blue heron flew up and stood about five feet from me just staring at me as if I was supposed to entertain him or something.

 2/8
We're now in Cocoa Beach, Florida where the sand is white and doesn't taste very good. It's breezy but pretty warm and sunny. Nadine (who was here last year) warned us that the Cocoa High kids have a bad habit of throwing things at performers though. I’m hoping we won't have to deal with any of that nonsense. Our hotel is right next to Ron Jon's world famous Surf Shop. Now, I’d never heard of them before, but they are certainly huge. They sell everything beach related plus some and are conveniently open 24 hours a day. So at 3am when I have a sudden urge to buy a swim suit, surfboard, or Frisbee I know where to go.

 2/10
I played in the ocean today and filled Ciro’s pockets with shells.

 Yesterday's shows were really tough, but today was a blast. We got to perform in a glorious theatre space that is shared by several schools and the community and had a nice large audience of 600 or so for each show. Today's kids were really cool.

 I saw another episode of South Park. This was about the battle between Jesus and Satan. The moral being: if you want to make friends, find someone to pick on that they don't like.

 2/14
Beach combing the surf
as the sand shifts under my feet
and the ocean batters my ankles
with loose shells and rocks.

Just when I find what I think I want
it washes back out of reach.
No amount of waiting will bring it back
to the same spot.
So I collect the rare pieces left behind
stranded further up on the sand.
Still, I wade deeper
in hopes of capturing the true prize.

 In the end I wander away
thinking "I probably didn’t want
whatever it was anyway."
Hours later I can’t even remember what I saw.

 It takes so much longer with people.
I carry a collection of lost faces
and keep hoping to see one of them again
no matter how strong the waves
that pulled them away.

 Kind of like this episode of Deep Space 9
where the captain keeps having these visions
that he’s back on earth in the 40’s
with all the faces of the present.

 He is told by a street preacher
"Go and write the truth,
write the words that will
set them free."

 Back on the ship his family
watches worried sick about his comatose state.

 Now he sees himself,
Benjamin Sisko, space station captain,
out the window.

 So, I return to e.e. cummings’ sea
where he says we find ourselves
no matter what you or me
we’ve lost.

 2/16
We've escaped from Florida to the deep south of southern Alabama. We practically have been set up in apartments here in Foley. Pretty damn nice!

 We're finally getting to play with little kids again. It's nice to have some variety after weeks of mostly junior high kids. They're fun too, but it's nice to get hugs from the little ones after the show. I’ve gotten a bit of writing done. The beach did wonders for clearing my head.

 2/17
I really hate v-day. Ciro & I went for a walk on the beach and went to see Good Will Hunting that night (a very good movie I might add) and then found a cozy little local bar (with semi-live, semi-Karaoke music from this guy with a guitar and a sound system who was actually doing pretty good covers, but seemed lacking in any original material) where we got well drunk for the first time in weeks. Actually it was probably the best time I’ve ever had on that day. There's only one year that I remember when I actually had a "date" and we spent that in the emergency room trying to get me treated for one of the worst ear infections I’ve ever had. Otherwise I’ve spent that day pretty much by myself. So this I guess was a huge improvement.

 2/19
Childhood memories of smoked oysters and kippered herring served on Ritz crackers.
A dainty dish for dad’s and daughter’s.
Mom whining and struggling to make our communication better.
I almost believed her,
was fooled through college until I learned
she was wrong.
There is nothing wrong with how my dad and I communicate.
We understand each other in the language of food and fast cars.
Laughing together over our inability to please Grandma
and our frustration that she’s never understood us.
We send love notes in conversations about computer errors.
It’s not our fault these messages are encoded mime that others can’t browse.
He plays golf and races cars to travel,
while I play words and race music to the same end.
Silent listeners to the world’s mayhem.
First to flee from conflict for fear of explosion.
Don’t expect to hear from us much,
but we never have been good at conversation anyway.
We’ll save our money
until we have something more important to say
than hello
and trust that you’ll still love us and be there when we call.

 2/25
We were invited to dinner at Wanda and Jerry Rayfield's home tonight. Wanda teaches at the school where we did workshops today and we'll be working with her classes tomorrow. It was really nice to sit down to a home cooked meal and have a conversation with somebody other than ourselves. Overall the people here in Alabama have been really nice to us. We had one show down in Gulfshores and they put us up in a two-bedroom condo right on the beach that night. The place made my apartment look small. They even had a washer and dryer we could use for free! We finish up in Alabaster on Friday and then head north to Iowa for the next two weeks. I’m a little disappointed because our original schedule would have sent us into New York City next week and I’ve never been to New York. I’ve never been to Iowa either, but I thought New York would have been more interesting.

 2/27
Once we were angels able to fly in joy unfettered.
Wings of hope held our minds in sweet conversations of daylight dreams.
But upon return to earth our wings decay
and by the time fall turned to winter’s weeds
your world has wrapped itself too thick in lies for my hands to reach you.
I wonder if springs buds will offer any solace.
I had dreamed of new flight,
but fumble to find my wings.
I would lift you up to truth and carry you away,
but my words turn on themselves.
I am just as tied to the lies as you
so that even the truth tarnishes.
Yes, once we were angels,
but now we are human
and bound to the earth
where we lie.

 3/1
We did stop in Galesburg to visit the birthplace & grave of Carl Sandburg. (He had it good, his three-room hut was twice the size of the one Elvis was born in.) It's snowing right now. I’m hoping I can keep from getting sick since I’ve just spent two months in 60-70 degree weather and this week's expected highs are no more than 35 degrees. (We did find a great little herb shop in Birmingham on our way through where I picked up some echinacea tea.)

 3/8
Yesterday we stuffed ourselves silly on delicious bbq'd ribs, played on the web for free at the Iowa State University library (where I discovered that the stranger has set Seattle on the trail of the real world kids living there this year. They're giving a thousand dollars and Seattle International Film Festival passes to the most "embarrassing video" of the cast members and more money and SIFF tickets to the most embarrassing photo. There is also a little diary of "sightings" and gossip posted on their site.), and saw the movie dark city (which vaguely reminded me of City of Lost Children or some such thing but was an fun movie and worth the money to see it on the big screen). Today we woke up to the sound of snow plows and found ourselves trapped in the lower lot of the hotel until a mini plow comes to clear the steep and narrow ramps that will lead us out of here.

 Yep, it’s a blizzard. Very slow driving from Des Moines to Ottumwa. I think the fastest we managed to go was 45 on the plowed highway marked 65. The wind has been blowing constantly and it's still snowing, so it was hard to keep track of the road more than anything. The little Sable handled it very well though. I think there was only one or maybe two times we slid at all. We safely finished what we'd expected to be a 2 hour drive in about 4 hours or so. Looks like school here will at least be delayed if not closed tomorrow. Fortunately our contact person is married to the superintendent so she'll call us when he decides what to do in the morning.

 3/9
The snow storm finally stopped today. Schools were closed today, of course. Looks like things are melting nicely today though.

 3/10
I'm stuck in Iowa right now (until the end of the week) in nasty cold weather with too much ice and snow.

 3/19
I seem to vaguely remember a place that was green all winter long and though dark and damp never had much in the way of blizzards or tornadoes. I miss the mountains. I'm looking forward to seeing Michigan for the first time next week though.

 3/21
We're in Chicago this weekend. We finished our first residency this week. We performed Monday for the 1st-5th grade at 7-Hills Doherty school in Cincinnati, OH and then by Friday had helped all the kids to create their own show. It went very well. My favorite was a little 1st grader named Julie who performed Shel Silverstein's poem "Dreadful" even though she had a bloody nose. She was already hysterically cute screaming "someone ate the baby!" So, her determination to do the poem while bleeding added a gruesomely adorable touch to her final line "I simply don't know who would go and (burp!) eat the baby!"

 4/10
How was school today?
I got shot mama.
Oh, sticks and stones you know the rest…
But, the playground words have turned to bullets.
I walk into tomorrow’s school armed only with poetry,
hoping I have enough ammunition to get out alive.
Gwendolyn Brooks for cops on campus.
Carl Sandburg because this school is dangerous.
Sara Teasdale wrapped round a student body that "has problems with violence."
Even at the low-income, minority schools they’re not sure if Langston Hughes could keep them alive,
and Maya Angelou knows all about the race issues here.
But the man Thomas Hardy killed knew nothing about this kind of war
that leaves school children in Arkansas, Oregon, Washington dead.
Still I march in to the next state’s school with only words under my belt.
When did we stop teaching kids to communicate?

 4/22
Ciro and I have a weird schedule this week in Sugarland, TX. For the past three days we've had shows at 7:30am and both yesterday and today we then had a four hour break between the 2nd & 3rd shows. The middle schools start at 8:50 and get out at 3:50 and the high schools start at 7:30 and get out at about 3pm. Kind of screwy I think. I guess it has something to do with the number of kids they are bussing being greater than the number of busses. Not much else is new right now. I'm trying to keep up with contact calls and hotel stuff for next week and Ciro is trying to get well and we're both trying to avoid spending too much money at the ubiquitous malls in this area (I swear there's one at nearly every intersection, like with Barnes & Nobles or Borders and Old Navy and Gap, etc).

 4/27
less weary than a forever
more moony than a song
like a note that lingers lightly
as high as the earth is long

 in sleep a dream that wakes
to day a dawny rest
letting live the secret
that taunts my heart in jest

 over trembling waves of ocean
in cloudy disarray
past marching fields aburning
sure now the sun is gray

 weep whistles into lilacs
sing silence never wrong
taste a purple maybe dandy
and see this night to song.

 4/28
Ciro's cold is now in his chest and I seem to have developed the sniffles, but i'm battling it already with echinacea and stuff to try to keep it at bay. We're in North Carolina now and battling a whole new set of pollens (it's colder here that it was in Texas) while trying to do shows for the hill folk.

 5/3
Worn beige tile streaked gray
mismatched worn bare to the backing
where Japan, Minnesota, Texas appear in the space between
on a water soaked floor. Mud tracks in
and water sprays from holy pipes.
We’re all just trying to get clean and dry.

 Whine, whine, swish and constant hum
mark time as buckles clank in rhythm.
Slam of doors to start.
Gossip builds in a chorus
sweet sounding to drown the din
of churning silence.

 Wheels rattle and a woman laughs.
We’re all marking time.
Jingle of change
and lights flash red and orange
as the silver beast turns.
I’m still looking at the footprints on the floor
as the barefoot man in boxers returns to claim his clothes.

 Looking up I find the ceiling tiles
also warped and missing.
The fire alarm hangs dangling
like cob webs from it’s wires.
That’s one humming that has been cut off.
Shuffle steps draw me back to the floor.
It’s all moving slowly in circles
waiting for the cycle to stop.

 5/10
My real name is hidden under blue ocean
Yesterday my name was Lachesis
Tomorrow my name will be wonder
Once my name was spitting dragon
But I am always two feet on the ground head in the clouds singing.

 Last night there was a thunderstorm in my head
Lightening flashed bright white forks
and the rains came tumbling down
washing out all toxins.
Rivers ran deep and fast
filling mud pools along the banks.
Four tornadoes touched down
swiftly spin drying the world.

 I am green shorts and fast cars,
Purple hair and racing stars,
Dragons fire,
a window pane,
long cold nights with a warming flame.

 I am cascades and violet buds,
Stormy skies and busy bugs,
A placid lake.
A summer day,
Cheetos crunch and candy cane.

 I am flute’s blue melody,
a hummingbird’s wing.
I constantly remake each song that I sing
from Rimbaud to Moliere
Arvo Part to Chopin’s flair.
I’m dancing tulips in the wind,
a crimson double back-flip spin.

 Yet at night I curl up tight.
Kitten’s whisper, fragile child,
a flickering of candlelight,
witness to a heart beguiled.

 5/11
We’re going fishin’
with string tied to sticks,
no bait
in a marshy pond too shallow.
Tadpoles may live here,
but that’s all
unless you count
water skeeters
skeeter eaters
mos-qui-toes that bite your toes.
But we’re going fishin’
for the big bad bass,
the grownup fish,
or mintokas, trounchers, pickle-foots.
We’re gonna catch us a dream
cook us up some rainbows
and feast for days
in the wilderness of years
spent in the pasture’s afternoon.

 ***

 I come from the stormy sea
washed up on the simmering sand
among clam shells and jellyfish
picked clean by gulls
eyes rolled smooth to fit the sockets
like quartz or tiger’s eye
hair spun dry from seaweed
wave crash in my heart
anemone fingers and urchin nails
I reach out with tentacle arms
to grasp hold of this life
with dolphin leap I playfully pounce
into each new adventure
always moving
rollicking slow or tossing high
always moving
life forever pushing forward.

 ***

 Restless as a bird on a wire in the wind
perched in this car seat watching the world pass by.
We never get there,
it’s too far
always farther reaching through the lake to touch my reflection.
It’s farther away than my hand.
I stretch myself thin over too many miles and still
I can’t reach where I’m going without letting go of where I’ve been
The next town is really no closer than the last forest.
The next beach little farther than the last city.
Pulled like taffy
I try to stay put until I have to give in
and snap forward to the side that’s always moving onward.

 5/12
We've been in golf territory the past week on the coast of the Carolinas. Seems like all the billboards have been trying to convince us that their course is the best in the country.

 We're in New Bern, NC - the birthplace of Pepsi. Other than that it's not very interesting. We did drive up to Kitty Hawk in the rain yesterday and saw a model of the Wright's contraption. I think I've seen a similar model at Boeing's museum of flight, but oh well. The best part was seeing the little rocks that marked the first three puddle jumps before the fourth one where it really flew.

 The kids are ready for school to be over next week and are wired for sound. Ciro said you could probably run a city off the energy produced by our first audience today. I'm ready to fly back to the Northwest at the end of next week myself. Touring has been fun, but I’m ready to click my heels and return home since none of the tornadoes we've passed through have taken me there.