In the dream there was all this bright light and hub-bub over games and entertainment that culminated in a semi-famous tv star dancing around covered only in in baby oil and some little tarzan outfit. After he danced a bit too close for my comfort and i got baby oil all over my hands when I stopped him from landing on me, i wiped my hands clean and went looking for the secret quiet room where some friends were getting ready to explore a new D&D adventure. I sat down comfortably among them to read and was greated by a beautiful little yin-yang kitten with a white head and back and black legs and tail. In other words...i'm just not cut out for emotional circuses and prefer to be in an environment that is comforting and peaceful.~w
I had a wonderful massage yesterday to undo the damage that typing and such will do and immediately found myself back in the office frustrated and headachey. I had come in there intending to work until 6ish, go to quigong class and then bbq over at a friend's house. I was informed when i got to the office that the bbq had been called off and we were all going to Jack of the Wood to celebrate the end of the fiscal year. I think it was the "informed" that got to me. Somehow everyone had assumed that i had been included in the discussion on Monday in the office when i was working at home. The only inkling i'd had was the evening before one person i work with said, "do you know if we're having the party tomorrow?" And, i responded, "what party? we have class tomorrow night." So i suddenly found myself very inflexible and frustrated about that decision. I had been very calm and relaxed until that point and then spent the rest of the day trying to reach that state again and get rid of my headache. I'm hoping that today i can maintain my sanity.~w
Actually i realized yesterday that it's hard to describe something that you think is "really cool" so that other people might understand why you think it's "really cool." I think cheesey in the last post referred to how that first sentence came out...it scratched the surface of the idea, but didn't quite encompass it.
Somehow that links in my mind to the infamous conversation "How are you?" "Fine. And you?" "Fine." It's the kind of conversation you have with the elevator operator, the bus driver, the person you pass on the street every morning on your way to work, and anyone else that you know by sight, but never actually stop to converse with. However, when you ask a friend "How are you?" you don't expect to get "fine" or "good" as a complete answer. You expect something a little more descriptive than what you'd hear back from an acquaintance. So when it does appear it comes as a bit of a shock. I found myself in such a conversation and was irritated by the feeling i had that i needed to scramble to ask the right question to unlock the secret behind "good." I wanted evidence or proof that it wasn't a facade and couldn't find a way past the mask. I also felt like i was being "observed" to see what my reaction to that might be. As if i were a bug under a microscope gaze trying to ask the scientist what he was looking at and realizing we don't speak the same language. So what can you do but walk away? It seems to me that while you may never forget someone, sometimes they drift out of the inner circle of our lives back to the world of "acquaintance."~w
Now if i could just keep that feeling of freedom in real life.~w
I did get the bookkeeping and vacuuming done after my walk through the festival, but only because i cranked up the AC. I didn't bother with my wild yard in the heat.
I stuck to my guns pretty well about not spending money at the festival. I was looking at this gorgeous dragon thing when a member of the Renn Faire board strolled by and asked if i had gotten his card. I said no, and promptly did. I didn't do well finding gifts for other people, so i started collecting business cards instead. I kept finding myself drawn to things that i liked: dragon oil lamps and dragon incense burners, cool pottery goblets and teapots and rice bowls. I was looking for a teapot for someone else, but kept noticing ones that were my style not theirs. I saw some beautiful wood inlay that was way out of my price range even though i probably know someone who would really appreciate it. I saw one thing that i could have bought as a gift, but they didn't take credit cards and i didn't have cash. Oops. So, besides collecting cards i just about made it home unscathed...then i walked past that first dragon again. I could try to justify my fascination with the fact that i've been thinking about getting one of those little solar powered yard lights from Lowe's, and this was just a bigger version. But really it's the dragon more than the lamp that is so cool. The artist was also willing to bargain which didn't make it any easier. So despite any good sense that i may have...i am now the proud owner of a very lovely dragon that is standing watch over my back door. Ah well, it's just a couple more months till i pay off the credit card and i guess i just needed a piece of art.~w
I did get my laundry done. That's good. Bookkeeping, vacuuming and mowing are still on the list. It's hot though, i think i want to wait until later in the day for something like mowing. Not a good thing to do in full sun when it's about 90 in the shade. So...a walk past the vendors downtown can't do too much harm...my rule for this year is that i can only buy things if they are gifts for other people for birthdays or christmas. I figure that will stop me from most strange impulse buys that might seduce me.
Yesterday? I danced and danced and then tried to rehydrate myself from dancing in the heat. Sometimes it is really good to just have some clean and healthy fun. Tonight...i'll finish getting the work done before work in the morning. I think.~w
