Sometimes things come out of my mouth without my brain attached. Sometimes it happens when i'm trying to speak honestly from my heart. Sometimes it happens when i forget that my mouth is moving and words are still coming out in a nervous babble. Then i have to get over the fear later that i might have said something to offend or hurt somebody when i wasn't paying attention to what came out of my mouth. That's the trick. To let go of the fear without letting the ego pounce in and say "well i was right" but to just let it be and let it pass.~w

Last night i dreamed that this boy and i were clamboring up a hill to go fishing. He had this fancily carved fish shaped pole with a fine thread attached. I just had a stick that i liked and figured i'd find some string to tie to it when we got there. I wonder who would've caught more fish if we had made it to the fishing hole. Does time and care make something more functional or allow you to do more with it? Most times, but it could be that he had just bought a fancy pole and didn't know how to use it. Besides, fishing isn't about catching fish...is it?~w

I arrived at the vet yesterday afternoon to be screamed at by the cat. Apparently she'd been doing that all day. Her cage was labeled "WATCH!" And she looked like she was ready to tear someone apart. I forgot how much she hates cages. The lady thought she was helping me by loaning me a cat carrier and trying to shove her into it for me. That just made things worse. I finally got them to give me a towel since they were afraid i would be scratched and calmly picked her up and pulled her out of the cage and she curled up like a baby in my arms. I put her in the car and she mewed a quiet "thanks" before curling up in her favorite spot. I returned the towel and asked if she had hurt anyone. She said no, but her vocal acrobatics had kept them on edge all day. I just reminded me how fear can make the sweetest soul seem very dangerous and ugly. She's puttering around the house like her usual self this morning and eating just dandy with her newly cleaned teeth. I'm thinking i may need to find some other teeth cleaning method though to avoid yearly trauma like that. I think the vet would appreciate it too.~w

Today the cat spends the day at the vet getting her teeth cleaned. Neither of us are very excited about it, but there's no complaining. I think she thought it was a bit weird that there was no food or water this morning, but she accepted it without much noise. They have to put her out i guess which i find most worrisome. Actually, i'm probably more worried about it than she is. That's pretty silly.~w

Yesterday i left work early to take the cat to the vet. She's getting her teeth cleaned this week, no fun i'm sure. She should be able to munch down her food better though without the tartar build up. When we got home from getting her pre-dental testing done i relished having evening daylight hours in my house. I actually did some cooking so i have food for the rest of the week for lunch that doesn't come out of a can. It's funny, Sunday evening i wanted nothing more than to be with people and last night i wanted nothing more than to be alone. Hmmm...today feels more like a people day again.

I dreamt last night of drowsing in a pool of warm water. I was fine until i started to wonder what the people watching me were thinking, so i put my arm across my chest and went back to sleep.~w

It's not done yet, but check out my friend Matthew's new site! Just click on the book in his hand to enter...

I watched Hearts in Atlantis last night with the cat. I don't think the cat appreciated it as much as i did, but she seemed to like the fact that i was sitting still so she could sit on me. I thought it was a beautiful movie. Also, I was very happy to see that this particular DVD had an interview between the director Scott Hicks and Anthony Hopkins. It wasn't bound by the constaints of TV time (i think it was 20-30 minutes long) and it was very intriguing to hear them really have a discussion more than an interview. They talked about everything from the other actors in the film to psychic phenomena and synchronicity, with a little about acting technique as well. It was well worth seeing.~w

Yesterday's big accomplishment was to finally clean out my filing drawers so that i have room for this year's stuff. I discovered that i hadn't emptied some of those files since before i moved to Asheville. Needless to say it was a scary undertaking in some ways, but i feel much less cluttered now that it's done. I think i'm finally ready for the new year to begin...oh, it has already? Oh, well i guess i'll just have to catch up.

The wind is blowing crazy strong today. A good day to let new things blow into my world i suppose now that i have the past out of the way.~w