Today i'm going to try working out with my friend Nicole. Then i think i may actually get around to some of the nesting i've been wanting to do. Yesterday i felt like i was sleep-walking so i feel the need to make today count for something. I may try to do some more writing later, but for now i have a list of things to accomplish...~w

I can't think of much to say this morning. I did a show last night for Leadership Asheville that went really well. Then i went home and watched Bush speak. Today seems like it should be important, but i don't know why. I think i need to do something creative or artistic today.~w

I have a huge desire to stay home and do some fall cleaning. I'm not sure why, but it seems suddenly necessary to clean out all the old junk and paper that i really don't need to store anymore. I want to frame all the pictures of friends and family and replace the shelves containing dust and knickknacks with friendly faces. I want to rearrange the dining room so that it's more inviting. I want to make space for friends to come over and sit down to dinner (a table is needed for that). I want my home to be cozy and inviting and a safe sanctuary for people i love to come and visit. Maybe that is in reaction to being a traveler and guest for so long. I feel like it's time to play host. In order for that to happen though, i need to change this place from a dumping ground for stuff to a welcoming place for people.

I have to work today though. I even have a show to do this evening for Leadership Asheville. Maybe this weekend i'll get around to the home make-over.~w

So, yesterday morning i had this encounter with a spider. It may seem silly to write about, but i've decided it's important. A month or so ago i awoke and went into the back yard to see a huge web that had been spun over the last few hours since my roommate had arrived home. It stretched across the flower bed and was anchored on the house and my roommate's car. Not long afterwards, i went out one evening to the front porch to see a huge gorgeous web that had be spun just outside the porch railing anchored on the roof and the railing. Over the next week or so i saw the spider several times, but only at night. It seem to be kind of reddish brown with stripes on it's legs and a white pattern on it's abdomen. Unfortunately, clumsy me, when i was trying to water the plant nearby i damaged the web and the spider vanished. Yesterday when i awoke i stumbled through the dining room to turn of my cell phone alarm crossed back to the kitchen only to discover upon turning on the light that i had just walked around an enormous web that stretched from the floor to ceiling and used my roommate's desk as well. Now, well outside i could enjoy the beauty of the web, this one scared me a bit. The spider was still busy putting in the spiral pattern, so i carefully took a vase and plastic plate to capture her and place her outside. I know she's outside, because we found her last night trying to locate a new spot to start a web.

After i got over the "yikes" yesterday, i decided i should figure out why this spider seemed so bent on getting my attention. After some digging i think i've discovered that she is some sort of Garden Orb Web Spider, or more specifically of the Araneidae family, but i can't figure out the exact genus.

I also discovered some native american stories online and was reminded of Spider woman who wove the dream catchers to protect children from nightmares. This peaked my interest, you see, i know a lot of folks who've had nightmares the past week, but i haven't really myself. Could it be because i have 3 dream catchers around my bed in addition to this spider friend?

Then i started thinking some more...i've been using Lachesis on and off as a screenname ever since i had my first email account with Wolfnet. She is the middle aspect of fate, the weaver or who measures out the life threads. Add to that the fact that my own name is wen: "to try" and di: "to bind or hold together" and i'm starting to find the connections abound even though i've never been fond of spiders since they used to have me for dinner as a kid.

So i looked up the totem information about spiders to see what it said. The line that struck me the most was:

Spider reminds us that the world is woven around us. We are the keepers and the writers of our own destiny, weaving it like a web by our thoughts, feelings and actions.

In talking with friends and family over the past week, the thing i keep coming back to is this: while no individual may be able to change the whole world at once, each of us is responsible for our own circle of influence. The best thing as an individual that i can do is make peace with myself and deal peacefully with those that i encounter each day. Or something like that. I'm still working out the semantics. That's where things seem to get messy.~w

I'm sorry, if i have offended anyone (like my mother) with today's post. Perhaps it was a poor choice of words. I've been having problems with them today. To me there's a difference between hanging a flag on your front porch (car, shirt, desk, etc) and walking downtown wearing one wrapped around your head and picking fights with anybody you suspect of being a terrorist because of their ethnic background. To me the flag is a symbol of surviving the attack of oppressors and independence and personal freedom, not a symbol of righteous vengence.

I think i was too distraught from the spider web i encountered in my house this morning to think clearly. I'm doing some research on the amazing bugger that is now busy outside and i suppose i'll have to write about it tomorrow morning.~w

The morning is misty and green out my window. I find myself obsessing over the scent of candles, the style of a dining table, the color of a shower curtain...mundane useless things that i have complete control over. I haven't gone and spent any money. I've just looked and obsessed as if finding the perfect color combination for my bathroom could somehow create world peace.

I feel out of my skin. I went down to the Jerusalem Cafe for lunch yesterday to order one of my favorite lunches and heard them speaking rapidly, in hushed tones about the police being called in to the pharmacy next door where a man who has been harassing them for the past week started to get violent. All i could bring myself to do was order the food, smile and say thank you. They are good people, who make excellent food for a reasonable price, and i worry about their safety from angry flag waving (or wearing in this case) americans who are looking for someone to blame.

I don't know...sometimes it's easier to think about what kind of table would fit in my dining room once my roommate's piano is gone.~w

So, it's a new week. I'm a bit sore from dancing this weekend. The air has gathered fall's chill and mostly i just feel beat. There's a mysterious notice for a certified letter that has me puzzled and i'm surrounded by my roommate's moving boxes. I'm wondering if i'll have a day that feels "normal" in the near future. There's work to be done though. Students are still in school and their teachers are still trying to make learning fun. That's where we come in. So, i'm off to help keep the paperwork flowing.~w

Carnavalito and Son de Cuba made my day. Actually that and the company of good friends one of whom did a great poetry performance at the festival. I ended up dancing most of the day again because once the festival was over we went down to the Grey Eagle music hall to hear the bands play some more. Dancing dancing dancing. I don't think there's anything left of me today but tired. I guess i should have a quiet Sunday. I think i'm helping a friend move though, so i'll have to get my rest this evening.~w