The middle school students in Eau Claire were wonderful today. Good thing since ciro and i were a bit tired. The day at the school went smoothly though. We drove on down the road until the traffic got heavy in Chicago and we recognized an exit we've taken in the past to get to my sister's boyfriend's place. We decided to get out of the gridlock and go have dinner. I called my sister from my cell phone to discover she was on her way up to visit her beau for the weekend and was only an hour or so away. So, we told her we'd be at the Dumpling House (that's Czech not asian dumplings). Sure enough just as we were finishing dinner she arrived! Hurrah! It was good thing she arrived just in time to eat the extra chocolate ice cream that the waiter had brought and ciro and i were too stuffed to eat. She was exhausted from a week of exams (she's in vet school at U of I Champaign-Urbana), but full of interesting stories. It was a nice little reprieve from our drive. Sometimes chance can work in your favor.

Unfortunately, we had a longer drive left than we expected. We arrived at the hotel we'd booked only to be scared into cancelling and driving down the road in hope of finding something better. It was set rather alone in an industrial area with only a Greyhound station nearby. The parking lot was full of beat up and rusted out cars that made our rental car stand out like a sore thumb (or prime target). The comings and goings through the front at 10pm made it look like the kind of place that it would be hard to get any sleep. It also looked like checking your sheets and keeping your socks on are required in addition to a good set of ear plugs. For the price we figured we'd be better off somewhere else. Sure enough, an hour down the road we found a brand new microtel that was squeaky clean and quiet looking, with a well lit parking lot and other cars that looked like ours for $15 less per room. I'll sleep easier tonight for it. It's been a hard enough week that i don't need any extra-curricular adventures.

Oh, my mom read my ravings about God and is mailing me an article about Marcus Borg who recently spoke at PLU about how the bible is more metaphor than fact. I'll be interested to read what he has to say. His website looks interesting as well, but i haven't had time to read it yet. Thanks mom!~w

wendi's 2:03 AM ravings

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Friday, February 23, 2001

I'm wired after doing an evening show at the St. Cloud University. It was a small intimate crowd and a whole lot of fun. We felt like royalty since they bought us dinner at the school's fast food court and fed us snacks after the show. But that's not all, they also gave us roses and St. Cloud mugs after the show to remember them. It warmed my heart almost enough to keep out the cold walking back to our car in the frigid weather.

I should be asleep as soon as possible, but i just got to this lovely hotel room and feel like dancing around the spacious bright room. It's amazing what lighting in a hotel room can do for your mood. We've been put up in this Econolodge in Eau Claire, WI by the folks at South Middle School which we will be visiting in the morning. It has a wonderfully high ceiling with a lovely bright light/fan unit and is tastefully decorated with white walls and cool brown and green wood furniture. There's even a special counter just for the coffee pot to sit on. Now this is my kind of room. It's a far cry from the dumpy, dark, chilly (or overheated, no in between) Econolodge we stayed in for a week in Vermont. The worst though are the rooms with only flourescent lighting. I hate flourescent lights. They always make me feel slightly ill. Figures we're only here long enough to sleep and then have to check out first thing in the morning.~w

wendi's 2:00 AM ravings

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Thursday, February 22, 2001

We drove today to Minneapolis. It's frigid here. I spent the evening catching up on paperwork and booking hotels for the weekend drive. Now i have a headache. Tomorrow we do an afternoon show in St. Paul and then an evening show in St. Cloud and then drive to Eau Claire, Wisconsin. By writing that down i hope to remember where i am tomorrow by the time we're done. Our contact person in Eau Claire is a little worried about our late arrival since we'll be performing for them at 8am. There's not much we can do though, we're the closest team and that's just the way the schedule crumbles.

As i read in the car today to ciro a profound sense of sadness came over me while reading Friedman's book (by the way, we are now in the town that Friedman grew up in). In many ways the fighting between Palestinians and Israelis is nothing new or special. It is noteworthy mostly because it involves what Friedman calls the "super-story" that is part of both Christian and Jewish faith. Still there are plenty of examples in this world where two cultures clash over the same piece of land. I think the saddest part has to do with the sense of "coming home." It's hard to feel like you are home when you are fighting with your neighbors. A hypothetical example comes to mind that is closer to home. Say that Oklahomans decided that to end their economic and social problems they needed to rid the state of the Cherokee tribe. If the Cherokee are lucky, the federal government might step in and try to save them. The Cherokee in order to recieve federal aid choose to form their own state and join the union, but they request that they be allowed to return to their homeland. So the federal government declares that a good portion of North Carolina is to be the state of the Cherokee. They finally are allowed to go home to the place where their history and religion were formed. In many ways it is right and fair and the Cherokee should never have been forced to leave their homeland in the first place. However, the Carolinians now living there might not want to suddenly find themselves living in the state of Cherokee. As it is they've had a hard time allowing Christian prayer in schools and finding jobs now that tobacco is less profitable. In order to survive they would need to work within the Cherokee state and pay taxes, but suddenly they have become a minority in their own home. I doubt either the Cherokee or the Carolinians could live comfortably for too long in such a situation, but once it has become the state of Cherokee what can be done? The Cherokee would hold on dearly to the right to have a state of their own to live, work, and practice their faith in the land of their ancestors. The Carolinians would see the Cherokee as invaders who have pushed them out of their homes and forced them to live under a system they find morally oppressive. More than likely there would be many Cherokee and Carolinians who would move to other states to get away from the tension. So, none of that has happened or is likely to, but it helped me to start to wrap my brain around the problem of who is "at home" in Israel. It's not a perfect comparision by any means. For instance, Israel is smaller, about the size of Delaware, and has a population the size of Chicago. So, there isn't much space to run and hide from your neighbors. In some ways it seems a losing battle from all sides. Not the happiest reading, but we're almost done with the book.

I think i'll read something happy before going to bed, just to lift my mood so my dreams are sweet.~w

wendi's 2:08 AM ravings

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Wednesday, February 21, 2001

I heard an ad today for LASIK surgery at $499 per eye. Ooooh, tempting...i could fit that on a credit card. Of course i have no time in my schedule for that sort of thing. But the idea of being able to see without glass or contacts is intoxicating. Just what i need another thing to go in debt over right? Well, maybe by the time i'm in a place where i could get something like that done the price will come down some more.

We played with 4th and 5th graders today after doing shows for all of the K-5 grades at an elementary school in Elizabethtown, KY. I would mention the name of the school but it has slipped my mind at the moment. Yeah, sure we were just there today, but we've driven several hundred miles since then. I just realized that i've slept in a different state everyday since Friday: Vermont, New York, West Virginia, Kentucky, and now Illinois, tomorrow Minnesota, then Wisconsin, then maybe Indiana or Illinois again, then Tennessee, and then finally North Carolina for a week. No wonder i'm having problems remembering where i am when i wake up in the morning. We don't have any shows tomorrow, just driving.~w

wendi's 1:14 AM ravings

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Tuesday, February 20, 2001

I've been feeling a bit lost so i decided to re-write my resume today. Sound odd? Perhaps, but i thought it might help me to look at where i've been and where i'm going. I'm not really looking for a job, cuz i like the one i have. But after another day of driving, this time from West Virginia to Kentucky, i'm starting to get bored with spending time in the car. I'm looking forward to the end of this tour and getting to stay in one spot for a while. Ciro was unusually quiet today, but i didn't dare say too much for fear of interrupting whatever he was thinking so hard about. It left me feeling rather alone even though i was reading out loud for both of us to hear. I woke up feeling good today, but between the quiet and my resume i somehow wandered into this state of blah by the evening. I realized that as long as i feel like i'm learning something new and/or coming up with cool solutions to problems i seem to be happy with work. The boredom hits when it becomes too routine. Strangely enough traveling is starting to become routine. I find that i'm not as motivated to explore and see each town as i used to be. Mostly i'm happy if i can do laundry, eat, sleep and find the school these days. Oh, and connecting to the internet is a bonus. There really isn't a lot of time to devote to other activities. Well there may be, but it's harder to find the cool things to do when you just drove into town. I remember reading the Stranger every week to see what was going on and sort of plan out my extra curricular activities. Now that kind of time is spent looking for hotel rooms and trying to see if our travel will take us through a town where we know people. I can't imagine trying to read a paper for every town we're going to be in for the week and planning out stuff to do. Besides, who's to say we'd get into town on schedule anyway. The weather this year has not been kind to us, and already caused some rather late nights. Blah, blah, blah. I really haven't had much in my brain today, so i guess little blurt will have to do.~w

wendi's 12:18 AM ravings

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Monday, February 19, 2001

Drive drive drive. That's what we did today, nearly 600 miles to Charleston, WV just to sleep. Read some more about Jerusalem, heard that Dale Earnhardt was killed today, and listened to Duke Ellington's Satin Doll.

Days like this make me wonder what i want to do with the rest of my life. I don't see myself on the silver screen, but maybe on stage. I would like to spend less time in a car in the next few years. I would like to see some of the rest of the world now that i've seen most of the United States. I want to play with kids. I want to put more good into the world. I'd like to have time to write and fiddle with painting and dance and sing. I'd like to sit and talk with good friends and maybe cuddle with someone who loves me as much as i love them. Somewhere in all of that there has to be the perfect way for me to make my living as well as live my life. It's just a matter of wrapping my brain around it and figuring out how to juggle it all into place. For now it seems the best thing is to settle into Asheville for a year and see if i can help Poetry Alive! from an organizational level, playing with the website and helping out as back up for shows and residencies. In some ways i see that it will be difficult for me to adjust to living solely in the "south." I can't explain the difference, but somehow i feel more solid in my own skin when i'm in northern towns. But i guess the first step is to spend enough time in Asheville to really get to know the town. I've only really "vacationed" there so far, not anything close to living there. It's been a home base, but not a home yet so it's still kinda scary in a way. For now, i need to focus on each day and do this job to the best of my ability. That means being awake alert and entertaining on a daily basis. Eakers, i hope my energy level is up to the task this week. Better get stocked up on sleep now!~w

wendi's 12:01 AM ravings

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Sunday, February 18, 2001

I always liked title of Bukowski's book of poetry "Sometimes you get so Alone it Just Makes Sense." It came up in my head as i was wandering from journal to journal and noticed that i'm not the only one writing about being exhausted and mush brained this week. I wandered from Ephemeral Pulp talking about being drained of creativity to The Endless Journey who's author is "so, so tired...worn out." I don't know either of these people, but i find it interesting that in their different worlds the stress and pressure of the week has become apparent. Is it just that there is added stress this past week of needing to love and be loved in a way that is quantified by presents or lack thereof? Or is there something to astrology and planetary effects? Or is it something else entirely? I know that when i sang with a gospel choir back in Seattle i began to notice that Father Joe had a way of touching the overall pulse of my week in his sermon. I always felt like he'd picked my brain and delivered just what i needed to hear. Or was i just listening for what i needed to hear and it didn't matter what he said? The Catholic church (now i'm not an expert on this i just attended one for three years, but was not raised in the religion) seems to prescribe readings from the bible for each week, these also seemed to hit the pulse of my general mood. Again, is it that i was listening for what i wanted to know, or have the Catholics found a way to map out the progress of the human psyche for each year? Even horoscopes can act that way. I have a tendency to read them after the day is almost past just to see if they were right. That way i know they are not causing my day to happen like they say it will, but still a well written horoscope can often hit the pulse of that day for me. Again, is it what i read into it, or the planetary design? I remember listening to a Cata-Catecle convention (or something that involved a catholic using the word "cat" a lot) where this man was delineating the differences between major and minor Catechisms. It was mostly garble to me until i started thinking in terms of the major and minor arcana of the tarot deck. Suddenly everything he said made perfect sense. I could see how different images from the cards related to what he was discussing. This reminded me of an image i'd seen painted in a church in England that looked to be Jesus in the middle of a "tree of life" spread or the kabbalah diagram. Coincidence? Probably not, but you'd be hard pressed to convince many Christians that "fortune-telling cards" are in any way related to the teachings of Jesus. This reminds me of a high school student in Texas who tried to convince me that he had discovered the one and only way to understand God that he could communicate to anyone in the world. Strangely enough he didn't bother to tell me exactly what that was. My personal theory is that due to social, cultural, and educational differences each individual must seek their own personal understanding of God. It may be astrology for some, a good ol' revival sermon for others, or simply an in depth study of ancient texts that lead to enlightenment. It may involve meditating or praying or a pilgrimage to keep that peace you've found. Still though we all feel happiness and sadness, joy and pain, revelation and frustration in our lives there are people who will fight to the death to prove that their understanding of that which is beyond this life is the only right answer. Why do we keep trying to remove that speck in the other's eye without removing the plank from our own? Leave me my dreams and i'll let you have yours.

Yikes, where did all that wander in from? Anyway, it was hopefully more interesting to read than "I drove to New York today and went into the City to eat a slice of pizza and watch Hannibal with ciro and some of his friends (a disturbing yet somehow beautiful movie that i liked okay once, but i wouldn't see it again). Then we sat around singing old songs from the 80's and laughing over a couple of drinks." That's what i did today though, so there.~w

wendi's 2:47 AM ravings

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